A date with yourself

Have you ever taken yourself on a date?

Maybe just a coffee with a good book? Or simply sat in a park or on the beach by yourself?

It always shocks me to hear how many people that I speak to have never done anything or gone anywhere by themselves.

I say it shocks me but I suppose it doesn’t really - it took me until I was in my early-20s to even go to the cinema on my own, I was 29 when I went and sat in a cafe for the first time by myself and I had just turned 30 before I went on a solo trip.

What are we so afraid of? Judgement? Being laughed at? Getting lost?

I never see someone on their own - regardless of where it might be - and think ‘oh look at that loser’...

I don’t spend time on my own because I have no one else to go with. I have a loving partner, some wonderful friends and a family that I actually happen to like.

I just also enjoy my own company.

In fact, I enjoy it so much that I regularly plan dates with myself.

A few years ago, my neighbour (and now close friend) Debbie introduced me to a book that has literally changed my life. It was called ‘How To Do Everything & Be Happy’ by Peter Jones. He introduced the concept of a Boxing Day - an idea that on Boxing Day (26th December) we often do whatever we like. There is no pressure, no plans, no expectations. You just get up and if you want an entire chocolate log for your breakfast, you have an entire chocolate log for breakfast.

He suggests that we should have a Boxing Day every month. What a fun idea! Boxing Days in June, February, August and October. Boxing Days in summer and autumn and spring as well as the one that stays exactly where it is in the depths of winter.

So I started my Boxing Days.

Every month since about 2021, I have scheduled a non-negotiable, un-cancellable Boxing Day - a date with myself. There’s no plans, no chores, no work allowed to be done. You simply plan the day itself into your diary and wake up that morning and see what happens.

It’s spontaneous. It’s free. It’s whatever you want to make it.

I was often so busy in my life that my Boxing Days used to mostly just look like a day of rest - a long lie, plenty of naps, wrapping myself in a bundle of blankets on the sofa to read my book.

Now that my whole life has changed direction and seems to be more of a Boxing Day kind of life rather than a once a month event… I tend to be a little bit more adventurous. I might go for a solo hike or a walk along the beach. I might take myself out for brunch or treat myself to a massage. I might make something or cook myself some delicious food. I might dress up to take sexy pictures of myself and wank myself silly…

The point is that you’re spending time with yourself, doing whatever YOU want to do.

Then I started reading ‘The Artist’s Way’ by Julia Cameron. It is a very popular book - one that you might have already heard of or maybe even participated in. A 12 week programme that aims to reignite your creativity which involves writing morning pages and, you guessed it, dating yourself.

I’m still right at the very beginning of doing this programme for myself but I found it fascinating that this was part of what makes it such a success. There are conditions though. It has to be every week. It has to be for a minimum of two hours. It has to be on your own. One thing it doesn’t have to be though - arty.

I had read about the ‘artist dates’ - as they’re called - and immediately thought that they need to involve painting or music or sewing or crafts. I was wrong. They simply have to be uninterrupted time that you spend with yourself that might just stimulate your imagination. Something fun. Obviously the more they stimulate the childish, playful parts of you - the better. BUT, the important part here, is that simply slowing down and taking some time out to do something solely for you has the power to be wildly transformational.

I’ve come a long way since the very first time I took myself on a date to see American Pie: The Reunion on the big screen (apparently 13 years ago…) and there’s very little that I don’t do on my own these days. I go camping, hiking and wild swimming. I go for food, I go for my version of coffee (i.e a coconut chai), I take myself on adventures and day trips.

The only thing I have not yet done on my own is take a trip abroad. That one is next on my list.

My first official ‘artist’s date’ was last week and I did give in to the arty cliche just a little bit and booked myself in to do some pottery painting. It was something I’d wanted to do for aaaggeeesss and I was sick of waiting for my friends to be free - so away I went.

Was I the only person there by myself? Yes.
Did I care? No.

Even the people who came together sat in comfortable silence as we all unleashed our individual creativity on an unsuspecting piece of pot. I sat there for 2 hours choosing bright, bold colours for a teapot in the shape of a house and I floated back out of that cute little cabin feeling more calm than I’ve felt in a long while.

I already can’t wait for the next one.

SO… where are you going to take yourself for your first date?