Fantasies & Fairy Porn

What do you fantasise about?

Have you ever experienced one of your fantasies?
Or maybe all of them?

Along with a few million others, I’ve been getting consumed by the fantasy of fairy porn after devouring my way through A Court of Thorns & Roses series by Sarah J. Maas.

I’ve fallen in love not only with the wonderful way that the author writes the smut scenes but with the characters themselves. I have become fully invested in the people who exist inside of my head, stimulated by the detailed descriptions of their fictional existence. I didn’t want it to end. I feel part of their world.

I fantasise not only about the sex but about their entire existence in their made up realm. I want to BE them or, at the very least, be friends with them. The simplistic depth of fictional friendship and connection is something we so willingly skim over in real life.

I’ve spoken before about how enticing I find words and this is no exception. I am turned on by talking. The right words jumbled together can turn my legs to jelly. A couple of seductive sentences can have my heart fluttering. A whispered promise in my ear can leave me dripping wet.

So I want to talk about fantasies.

The absolute ICON that is Gillian Anderson opened up this can of erotic worms with her incredible book - Want. It is a collection of heartbreaking, dark, unusual, seductive and, of course, sexy fantasies that have been anonymously submitted for the sole purpose of being shared with the world. It has provoked a lot of conversations around fantasy versus reality and not only what it is we actually want but whether or not we are getting it.

Something that struck me, quite early on, when discussing and deliberating on my own personal fantasies was that I don’t always want them to come true. Some of them are simply that - a fantasy - something I enjoy inside of my head that gets my pussy wet and acts as a beautifully arousing tool for my own seduction.

Some fantasies that I have are things that I absolutely know, with certainty, are not going to turn me on in the reality of that situation. If I was put into that situation in real life it would, if anything, distinctly turn me off.

I listened to a great little podcast lately which backs me up on this. It was featuring Gillian Anderson, of course, and they were discussing that maybe there should actually be two words for fantasies - two categories. The fantasies that we do want to come true… and the fantasies that we absolutely don’t.

An easier way to have conversations with our partner(s) about what we truly desire without the confusion of ending up in a situation that was intended to stay firmly imaginative.

Have you ever shared your fantasies?
Have you even acknowledged what they are for yourself?

I love exploring my edges to find out what works for me… and what doesn’t - and I’d absolutely encourage you to do the same. Safely, of course. Edges are edges for a reason and boundaries and communication are crucial for knowing when to understand and express when something is starting to feel just a bit too much.

This might also be different throughout each phase of the menstrual cycle, for people who have one. For example; I’m A LOT more open minded in the first half of my cycle (pre-ovulation, when my estrogen is high) and much more open to exploring and fantasising about situations that I maybe wouldn’t be so inclined towards at another time.

Every day is different.
Every sexual encounter is different.
Even when, especially when, it is with the same person.

It is always, always okay to stop at any time - to change your mind, to admit if you don’t feel comfortable, to try something else or to simply just stop altogether.

I think conversations about fantasies are so important because it deepens the intimacy of a relationship - understanding what really makes someone tick and not even necessarily giving them that but just being able to share it without fear of judgement.

It’s potentially unlikely that both, or all, partners in a relationship are going to have the same sexual preferences - if you’re really honest with yourselves - but there might be some common ground, things you both enjoy that you can play with together.

I had a really open conversation with some friends recently about porn preferences which led to a more detailed discussion around sex parties and partnership. I love these kinds of conversations because it gets us all to think a little bit more about what we really want and also maybe why we want, or don’t want, certain things either.

It’s all a huge learning curve and sometimes you can’t know whether or not you’re going to like something until you give it a go. Whereas, other times, you might know with absolute certainty that something is not going to tickle your pickle before you even consider it.

Sometimes the fantasy might stay as exactly that - a deliberately unfulfilled desire… and, sometimes, if you let yourself admit whatever it is that you really, truly want - it might just actually happen.